Evil Man and Bad Boy #1: Beginnings

     Cityburg's crime system was composed of two sides: the east and the west. The east was dominated by a gang organization, while the west was ruled by Evil Man and Bad Boy. Of course, there were other criminals, but these were the main names.     Evil Man and Bad Boy are the newest and permanent names to the criminals Tom Tompson and Andy Anderson (ther parents were not very creative when naming them). These two have been stealing stuff together since the beginning.
     From preschool to seventh grade they worked together and made a fortune swiping lunch money, ipods, pencils, and animal crackers from students and teachers. They were expelled in eighth grade for hotwiring the principal's car and using it to ditch school.
     After that, they became known as the dusty bandits. They would wait until a family left home, then they would rob them. They brought a bucket of dust as well. Before they left, they dumped the dust on the TV and wrote in the dust "you got robbed by the dusty bandits". That didn't stick very long, though, because it was too hard to fill multiple buckets with dust.
     Then they became known as the Clean Getaway Bandits, and they washed their victims car before leaving. They would have kept that going, had they not been found washing their victim's car when they got home before expected.
     And after that they became Evil Man and Bad Boy. This history lesson is over.

Shay Simmens on Injuries

Shay Simmens is amazing. He can brake his leg one day and be spending an hour on his trampoline the next week. Usually, after he injures himself he comes up with some "words of wisdom". Here are ten pieces of advice he's given to avoid self- injury.

1. Never arm wrestle a gorrila( following a broken wrist)

2. Never challenge a bird to a distance- jumping competition( after falling out of a tree)

3. Don't kiss a raw chicken( after getting food poisoning)

4. No matter how many times you're called a coward, don't pour hot coffee down your pants( you can guess what happened)

5. Don't try ben's lightning experiment while swimming( after being struck by lightning)

6. Don't try to impersonate a candle( following fourth degree burns)

7. Don't impersonate a turkey and go for a walk in the woods right before Thanksgiving( after getting shot)

8. Never use paper for dental floss( after getting eighteen paper cuts in his gums)

9. Never upset a terrorist group( after going into protective services for three months)

10. Always wear a parachute while skydiving( after breaking his arm, four ribs, and both his legs)

It really is a wonder how he's living.

Shay Simmens Goes to Court

Alright, a while ago Shay was in a gas station when it was robbed. He was the only one there other then the clerk, so he had to go to court as a witness when the police found the thief. Anyway, this is what happened when he was called to the stand.
    The judge told him to put his left hand on the bible in front of him and raise his right hand, which Shay did. The judge followed with, "Now repeat after me-"
    "After me, after me, after me," Shay interrupted.
    "No no no. Just say what I say-"
    "What I say."
    "Stop that!" the judge yelled.
    "Stop what?" Shay asked.
    "Idiot." an officer coughed.
    "Objection, your honor," Shay said.
    "Overruled."
    It went on like this for about four minutes.
    "Just promise to tell the truth." The judge said angrily.
    "Sure, I promise. I was going to do that anyway. Why'd you want me to do all that junk with repitition. Trying to see if I was under the influence, I'll bet."
    "Yeah, sure, that's exactly what we were trying to see." The judge rolled her eyes.
    "First question," the lawyer said." That man in the chair. Have you ever seen him?"
    "Which one? I see a lot alot of guys in chairs."
    "The man in front with the slicked black hair."
    "Yeah, I noticed him on the way up here. Why?"
    "How about before today. At a gas station, maybe?"
    "Well, if you put a revolver in his right hand and a bag of cash in his left and made him run out a glass door with hand sanitizer next to it, he'd look exactly like the man I saw."
    "Thank you, that will be all." The lawyer said.
                                                                                                  The End